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Carline Anglade-Cole
Million-Dollar Copywriter |
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Copywriting S.O.S!
Here's more help to turn you into a CopyStar...
(click-on photos below for more information)
Which One Won?
How to Write Kick-Butt Headlines and Boost
Response
How to Write Kick-Butt Copy: Straight Talk
from a Million-Dollar Copywriter
Anatomy of a Kick-Butt Control: How to
Create A Winning Promo from Start to Finish!
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How Writing a Letter Saved Me
FromA $1,178 Dumb Mistake!
Hiya
CopyStar,
Man, life is really hectic right now!
My phone is ringing off the hook with
clients wanting me to tweak existing
controls...and give them new headlines to
test for the upcoming winter mailing
season...
... I'm writing a promo for my first-ever
cookbook for a megastar company - and
feeling like I'm gonna need a paper bag over
my head soon to stop hyperventilating...
... and I'm just DAYS away from hosting my
first-ever Copywriting Boot Camp on Steroids
- Yikes!
But despite this craziness - I don't want to
forget about YOU CopyStar! But honestly, I
just don't have the time to write another
full-blown issue - so I'm doing the next
best thing!
A few weeks ago, I shared with Clayton
Makepeace and his Total Package subscribers
an experience I had with AirTran. I made a
dumb mistake and it cost me over a thousand
bucks.
But I wasn't going to let my stupidity stand
in the way of recouping my loss - so I put
the art of coywriting to work and wrote the
folks at AirTran a letter.
Then, I used the same letter to show
copywriters - just like you - how to
strengthen your own sales letter. Anyway,
the article was a hit with the Total Package
subscribers. So, I thought I'd reprint it
and share it to you.
Now, I know many of you already subscribe to
Clayton's Total Package. If you've already
read the article, I have one piece of
advice: Read it again! Remember, repetition
is the mother of retention!
If you haven't read the issue - I think
you're going to enjoy it - and hopefully
learn from my stupid mistake!
I'll talk to you again after the Boot Camp -
I'm sure there'll be LOTS to share with you
about that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
If you're new to CopyStar and don't know
what the heck a Copywriting Boot Camp on
Steroids is all about - click here for more
info:
Click Here!
Happy reading...
The Power
of the Letter - in Copywriting
and Life in General
Man, I really goofed!
I mean, I recently made a DUMB mistake -
and it cost me over a thousand bucks!
But thanks to knowing an amazing secret,
I was able to recoup my loss and even
save face.
What's the secret?
Knowing the POWER of the written letter!
Here's what happened...
I made plans to fly to Washington, D.C
to pick up Alexis, Paris and Elliott -
my nieces and nephew so they can spend
some of their summer vacation with my
family.
I would fly up early Tuesday morning,
meet their folks at the airport, scoop
up the kiddies and fly back to Atlanta
the same afternoon. Simple, right?
Well... not really. Turns out I made a
big mistake - and I didn't find out
about it until the very last minute.
But wait.
The theme of this article is the power
of a letter. So, let me allow the letter
tell you what happened...
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August 13, 2008
Bob Fornaro
President
AirTran Airways
9955 AirTran Blvd
Orlando, FL 32827
Dear Mr. Fornaro,
I am a frequent flyer of AirTran and I
would like to share with you a very
upsetting experience I had with your
airline on Tuesday, August 5, 2008.
I made arrangements to fly from Atlanta,
GA to Washington, DC to pick up my 2
nieces and nephew (ages 3, 7 & 8) and
return the same day back home with the
kids. Confirmation #s were DCBGNK and
V9RB6T.
The departing flight was perfect. We
left on time and even arrived early. I
picked up the kids from the airport,
showed my boarding passes to security
and looked for my gate number for the
return flight. It was then that I
realized a serious mistake.
My flight # and time of departure did
not match the time at the kiosk. I
erroneously booked my return flight with
the children from Atlanta to Reagan
National instead of Reagan National to
Atlanta. There was no one manning the
AirTran booth, so I had to wait 20
minutes until I could find an employee
for assistance.
Finally, I spoke to a ticketing agent
named Sherrell (I don't know if I
spelled her name correctly and I don't
know her last name.) I told Sherrell I
would be writing AirTran about this
experience and asked her to write her
information down for me since my hands
were busy holding a 3-year old, but she
failed to do so.
When I asked Sherrell if I could speak
to a manager to help me with my
predicament, she instructed me to call
your 800# for customer service. I was on
hold for 15 minutes and was never able
to get through to your 800#. It was
nearly boarding time and I explained to
Sherrell that I had to get the kids to
Atlanta today and if there was some way
she could help me. The only thing she
told me is that I had to purchase new
tickets and they were going to be "very
expensive".
I asked if I could get a reduced fare
since I already purchased 4 tickets that
I will not be able to use. She said
"no". At this point, I had no other
choice but to put the outrageous charge
of $1,178 on my credit card so I can
board the plane and get the kids to
their destination.
Mr. Fornaro, I am not blaming AirTran
for my booking mistake. I've booked
tickets hundreds of times and I've never
made such a mistake. I take
responsibility for my error.
However, I was able to pass through
security with a boarding pass from the
wrong city! In this day and age when
security is priority, that was very
disturbing. I am enclosing copies of the
4 boarding passes.
Plus, I couldn't contact your customer
service department for needed help in a
timely manner. And the agent on-site was
clearly apathetic to my situation. As a
frequent flyer of AirTran and a
customer, that bothers me very much.
I am asking that you help reduce my
astronomical bill for a one hour and
fifteen minute flight. At the minimum, I
would hope you can credit the $358
payment for the 4 tickets I originally
made to offset this unexpected cost.
However, I would greatly appreciate it
if you would reverse the $1,178 charge
completely. It was made on my American
Express #xxxx xxxxxx xxxxx. Any help you
can provide me with this matter would be
greatly appreciated.
Again, I have respect for your airline
and I show it by using you primarily for
my travel needs. I hope your company
will show the spirit of true customer
service in this case.
Thank you very much for your time.
Sincerely,
Carline Anglade-Cole
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Can You
Believe How Stupid I Was to Book
the Return Flight From the Wrong Airport
In the Wrong City?
Hey, I've told you before: "I aint no
genius". But was I going to let my stupidity
cost me over a thousand bucks? Heck no!
Not only did I send the President of AirTran
the letter - I also copied and emailed it to
the AirTran Customer Service department.
I felt if the Customer Service folks knew
this letter was going to the President of
the company - it would increase my chances
of getting a response. Did it work?
Did it ever!
In less than 6 days, I got a personal phone
call from AirTran!
So What Can
You Learn From My Dumb Mistake That Will
Make You A Smarter Copywriter?
Plenty! I followed some of the basic rules
of copywriting in this letter:
#1: Identify your target market.
I addressed the letter to the President of
the company. Using a real name - and even a
title gets attention.
So when you write a sales letter, who are
YOU talking to? If you can't personalize the
letter, go beyond "Dear Friend". Try "Dear
Health-Conscious Friend" or "Dear Frustrated
Friend". Let your market know you know who
he is in your salutation!
#2: Grab your prospect's attention
immediately. I usually do this with
a kick-butt headline. But this was a
business letter - and I didn't want to go
overboard. This meant my intro paragraph
needed to get my prospect's attention
immediately.
So I started off by letting him know:
(a) Exactly who I was - a frequent flyer of
AirTran -i.e. a regular stream of REVENUE
for his business.
(b) He needed to be aware of a serious
problem.
(c) Details. Giving the date the problem
occurred.
This intro set the stage so I could quickly
explain my predicament.
Next time you write a sales letter, ask
yourself: Am I getting to the point - or am
I losing my prospect with wishy-washy words?
A focused intro sets up great momentum for
your copy. So make sure to re-read your
intro and get rid of needless or confusing
words!
#3: Compliment and get on common
grounds. Notice I didn't attack his
company. The last thing I want is for Mr.
Fornaro to get defensive. After all, the
mistake was 100% my fault!
Note how I even commended the company on my
"perfect" departing flight and "arriving
early".
This lets him know I'm not a pain in the
tookas who nags and complains about
everything. The goal was to show him I'm a
faithful customer who respects the company -
and it was my DUTY to bring this problem to
his attention!
For your sales letter - are you finding ways
to compliment your prospect?
Saying things like, "If you know the value
of a buck"... "If you're like me, you want
to squeeze a penny til it hurts" ... or even
"You probably know..." are easy ways to get
your prospect's head bobbing up and down and
agreeing with you. Make sure to try adding
them in your sales letter!
#4: Get your facts right to make a
reasonable argument. In
copywriting, you have to support your
statements with facts. SPECIFICITY works.
It was not just an AirTran rep, it was
"Sherrel, who didn't give me her last name".
Notice I gave them my confirmation
numbers... said I waited for 20 minutes
until I found a rep... spent 15 minutes on
hold with the customer service department,
etc...
And remember, make sure your facts are
correct. Most likely they would check my
confirmation number. If it was wrong, it may
delay handling the problem, irritate the rep
and give him a valid reason to turn down my
request.
If your facts are wrong in your sales letter
- it would jeopardize your credibility...
annoy your prospect... and even cause you to
lose the sale! Get the point?
#5: Don't exaggerate - but do paint
a positive picture. The truth is,
this was not the WORST thing that ever
happened to me. So, I had to control my
creative desire to become a "drama mama".
But notice I told Mr. Fornaro how old the
kids were. Anyone traveling with a 3-year
old and his two sisters would definitely
understand my situation. And can't you just
SEE how frazzled I must've been since I'm
dealing with this problem as "my hands were
busy holding a 3-year old"?
And, come on, who CAN'T relate to dealing
with an apathetic teller, rep or sales
person?
Plus, I let Mr. Fornaro know I made all
efforts possible to seek assistance -
spending a total of 20 minutes looking for a
rep and another 15 minutes being put on hold
with 3 kids in tow!
In your sales letter, are you painting a
picture for your prospect? One great way to
do this is with story telling. Our minds are
hardwired for stories. We love 'em! So find
opportunities to create word pictures in the
mind of your prospect!
#6: Tell the prospect what you want
him to do. Make life simple for
your prospect - don't let him figure what
you want - tell him! If needed, give him
step-by-step instructions!
In this case I gave Mr. Fornaro 2 choices:
Best Offer: Give me a full refund.
Good Offer: Give me a partial refund.
Sometimes it's better to give your prospect
just one choice. But in this case (since I
was TOTALLY WRONG), I felt I had a better
chance of success by offering reasonable
options.
The customer service rep who called me said
that normally the company policy is to only
issue a credit for a future flight. But
because of my letter, she is making an
"exception" and refunding my money. I just
love it when I'm "excepted!"
In your sales letter, make sure to give your
prospect clear cut instructions: "Pick up
the phone and call now"... "Mail in your
order card on page xx"!
So How Did My
Letter Pull? In Other Words, How Successful
Was It?
Here's the swift email reply I received from
Air Tran:
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August 19, 2008
Dear Ms. Anglade-Cole,
Thank you for taking the time to speak
with me regarding your concerns, as we
discussed, I have issued two credits
back to your American Express Card on
file. The first credit was in the
amount of $358.00 for itinerary number
V9RB6T. The second credit was in the
amount of $520.00 for itinerary number
HY94ND.
Please let me know if I can be of any
help in the future.
Sincerely,
Susan M. Callaway
Customer Relations Department
AirTran Airways
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Woo hoo! I
recovered $878 from my $1,178 mistake - not
bad, not bad at all!
Ok, so I didn't get the "Best offer" of a
full refund. But the "Good offer" was good
enough for me!
AirTran charged me my original flight ticket
plus a $75 per ticket change fee. So I ended
up spending an additional $300 for the
change fees. They refunded me $878!
By the way, I did ask the rep to waive the
$300 change fee - but she wasn't budging!
Oh, well, I had to at least TRY!
Bottom line: If I hadn't taken 20 minutes to
write the letter - I would've gotten ZIPPO
back for an error that was clearly my fault!
Plus, I still haven't heard from Mr. Fornaro
himself.
Who knows - he may come through - and give
me a FULL refund for bringing the security
issue to his attention. After all, I used 4
wrong boarding passes to get through
security at an airport in our Nation's
Capital! Isn't that SCARY?
The least he could do is refund my money -
or maybe give me a few FREE flights - for
showing him faults in the airline security
system!
So do you see the power of a well crafted
letter? It can work wonders to sell a
product - and even get you out of tight jams
in life too!
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Yours for stellar results,
Carline Anglade-Cole
Million-Dollar Copywriter & Consultant
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